I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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