he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
