Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
