why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
