I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
