If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
