we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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