In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize