i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
