I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
