While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
