Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
