Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it because I queefed?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
