she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
