I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
