She said her name was "party"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
