I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
