No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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