Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
