every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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