I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
