I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
