i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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