nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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