there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
