I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize