absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
