Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
