What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
