so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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