just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
