I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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