My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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