I'm jealous of your bromance
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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