I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
