I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize