All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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