Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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