if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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