so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
