I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I smell stomach acid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
