I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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