i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
