why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize