So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
