yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
