Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
