I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Who died my cat blue again?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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