Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Even my vagina gasped.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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