No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
