So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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