Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
