I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
