Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize