Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
