Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
