I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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