She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
