I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
