Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
