she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
