Did you just see the Batmobile???
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
