I love black thongs
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
