I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
