Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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