There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
