This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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