thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
