I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
