I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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