I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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