I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
