You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
