I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
