Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
