youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
