Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
