There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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