Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize