we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
