You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
